So, She came out of my room with my yellow heels on and asked if I would help her fasten them so they would stay on better. I of course did so and was just blessed to pieces at that sight of her little feet in her striped sox trying to walk in my shoes.. THEN, one of those "OH MY" moments struck me right in the heart. What does she see when she looks at me? Does she know she is soooooo perfect and beautiful no matter WHAT she wears? Does she base her worth on What GOD says or what the world says? She is only 5!!!! I know it is likely not as serious as my heart took it at that very moment, but I just PRAY with ALL of my heart that EVERY single one of my grandchildren SEE themselves as JESUS sees them. I pray He gives me the right words at the right time that plants the right seeds. So, you would think that would be the end of my, "OH MY GOODNESS GOD MOMENT", right? NOPE.... Then I received a lil a "reminder" of my own!!! SO, in the image of her close up feet, if you look over to the right, you can see a speck on the floor. Do you see it? Yeah, I am not sure what it is, but, I was determined to edit it out.. Also, when I took the picture of her standing there I done everything in my power to make sure I didn't get the 12 packs of pop and gatorade and Aloe drinks on the left side of her.. you know, that would just destroy the image , right??? Yeah... WOAH... GOD Spoke to me loud and clear... I am literally trying to not cry while I type this. That speck, those drinks, well , they keep me from A LOT!!!! See, the enemy loves to make me feel alone, different, unworthy, not as good, unorganized, unable, etc...... He works hard on me with this stuff... I fight it constantly. CONSTANTLY!!!!!!!! and now we can add aging on top of it and WOW, I am just feeling like a slug in a salt pit. And BAM, I myself am doing exactly what I PRAY with all my heart my grands will NEVER do... See myself through the enemies eyes. Believe his lies. Live in bondage to them. Stay alone. Hide away. YEP.. that is me.. INTROVERT does not begin to explain my actual life. That is a whole other story. Anyway, On any given day my house is usually out of order somewhere.. There may be toys on the floor, dust on my Tv stand, finger prints on my windows, paw prints on my french doors, mud from someone's boots in the foyer, candy half eaten on the island with a trail of little finger prints beside it, my flower beds seem to stay in need of weeding, my car is almost never completely cleaned out and always has sprinkles of mud on the sides from going back to the barn, I try to be upbeat all the time but it is not unusual to find me having a good cry over wishing time would slow down or that I would have done something different or better 35 years ago. That is me. But God whispered to me while looking at this precious child he entrusted me to be the grandma of.... SEE YOURSELF thru MY eyes, Child.... Trying to accept myself the way I am ( of course always striving to be more like Jesus daily, that is my HEART's Goal), is so so so hard for me. I always feel like I need to "fix" myself. Run harder, jump higher mentality, to meet what i "think" the other people in the world expects me to be, and if I can't seem to gain the control over accomplishing it, just hide.. Like that speck on the floor... Like the soft drinks stacked up... Isn't that ridiculous!!! I am so tired of the enemy having control over that in my life. I am DONE! Let me tell you friends, I am a failure, a sinner saved by GRACE ALONE, I have done nothing to deserve it, Yet still, HE loves me, leads me, comforts me, and TEACHES me daily!!! I LOVE HIM!!! So, let me end with 2 things ~ #1 ~ BE WHO GOD DESIGNED YOU TO BE!! YOU ARE ENOUGH! #2 ~ Full disclosure to you all, my front door is open anytime, but I promise you will find plenty to judge me on if you so feel the need. IF not, let's have a soft drink and look out my paw printed french doors together and just THANK GOD for ALL HE is and for LOVING us just the way we are.
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